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👨‍🏫 Owning Mistakes as Leadership Trait

In my last post, 4 Strategies to Manage WIP, there were some glaring formatting issues that were completely distracting from the core message of the post.

I had a few options for how I could react:

1. Stop Writing The TPM Craft Newsletter. It’s simply, really. Decide I don’t have time to write 100% perfected quality and stop writing the newsletter.

2. Frantically Send More. In order to “cover up” a mistake, I could’ve sent more emails that were formatted correctly in an effort to earn back trust.

3. Own the Mistake, Keep Moving. Keep the steady rhythm of the newsletter and turn it into an opportunity for myself and all of you wonderful readers.

If it isn’t obvious yet, my decision is #3. As a writer, I will own my writing mistakes.

Owning mistakes is a foundational leadership trait. If you are unable to own your mistakes and instead shift to blaming, then you’ll never be the leader you hope to be.

Let’s talk about how and why this works.

(I’ll be referencing a few books in this post, buckle up!)

Owning Mistakes Builds Trust

As a Technical Program or Project Manager, you’re right in the thick of complex initiatives, working with different teams that count on you for clear direction and accountability.

Mistakes are going to happen—that’s just the reality. But how you handle them. That’s what sets you apart as a leader.

Owning up to your mistakes doesn’t make you weak; in fact, it’s one of the strongest moves you can make. When you take responsibility, you build trust, earn credibility, and set the right example for your teams and stakeholders.

If you expect accountability from others, you have to lead by example and exhibit the type of accountability you wish to see.

Extreme Ownership is a favorite leadership book of mine written by former US Navy Seal, Jocko Willink. He teaches: as a leader, you have to own everything in your world. 

For TPMs, that means not just your own actions but your whole program’s performance, even when things go sideways. It’s tempting to deflect blame or protect yourself when mistakes happen, but real leadership is about stepping up, owning the problem, and guiding the team toward a solution.

Owning mistakes is crucial because trust is the foundation of influence.

When team members, stakeholders, and executives see that you’re willing to acknowledge your missteps, they’re more likely to trust that you’re being transparent, realistic, and working in the best interest of the project. Your manager will see that you have self-sufficient skills of reflection and growth.

By owning your mistakes, you increase trust. By increasing trust, you increase your ability to influence without authority.

(I wanted to write more about trust right here, but that wildly increased the length of the post. Check out this book, The Speed of Trust, that inspires a lot of my thinking around the importance of Trust).

In my example of sending a poorly formatted email, the trust of readers was undoubtedly impacted. Luckily the stakes aren’t very high in this situation, but the principle remains the same.

My decision to show up again, own my mistake, and move forward is a reflection of my desire to transparently grow as a leader.

I’m on the same journey as all of you, iteratively improving at our craft of being a TPM.

Owning Mistakes Diffuses Conflict

Now let’s pivot a little bit to talk about how owning mistakes can be a tool for you as a TPM.

Think about the times when you are trying to build buy-in, influence others, get people aligned, drive decisions, etc. All these activities can be described as some flavor of negotiation. You’re constantly negotiating.

As you’re negotiating, mistakes may happen: Some data may have been inaccurate, communications may have slipped, milestones may have been missed.

When mistakes happen, stakeholders, team members, or executives might have negative assumptions or concerns. How can you handle those situations?

In Never Split the Difference, Chris Voss introduces the concept of neutralizing the negative through an accusation audit. This is an awesome tool for TPMs when addressing mistakes, especially in high-stakes environments where tensions may run high.

Voss suggests calling out the potential accusations head-on before others can. This diffuses tension and helps you gain control of the narrative.

For example, if a critical deadline is missed, you could start the conversation by saying:

This approach neutralizes the negative by addressing concerns upfront, signaling transparency, and putting others at ease. It shows that you’re aware of the issue and already taking responsibility for it.

You will want to prepare with some analysis on why the targets were missed, but that can often become a secondary question if you’re able to demonstrate what is actions are being taken to move forward (which may include fixing processes to avoid the same failure in the future).

TLDR

By combining the principles from Extreme Ownership and Never Split the Difference, TPMs can:

• Build trust from stakeholders: When you take full ownership and acknowledge potential concerns through an accusation audit, you manage the narrative and strengthen trust, even in difficult situations.

• Foster a culture of accountability: Owning mistakes encourages your team to follow suit, leading to a healthier, blame-free working environment where continuous improvement is prioritized over fear of failure.

• Build stronger relationships: Taking ownership, while neutralizing the negative emotions that often surround mistakes, helps preserve and even strengthen relationships with cross-functional teams, clients, and executives.

Owning mistakes isn’t just about saying “my bad”—it’s about stepping up, taking charge, and showing true leadership.

As a TPM, you’re the bridge between the technical and strategic sides, and how you handle mistakes can either build trust or damage it. I’ve found success in combining the accountability from Extreme Ownership with the communication strategies from Never Split the Difference.

Resources

📚 Currently Reading

My current reading Zhanat’s latest book, Evangelizing The TPM Craft.

There are fantastic insights in this book addressing just about anything you can think of in the world of being a TPM: Resumes, Interviewing, Role Comparisons, Core Responsibilities, etc.

I’ll definitely be writing up a review once I’m done!

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